she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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