VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
