his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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