my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
