dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
