And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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