You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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