Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and i looked up. we had an audience...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
