I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
