wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
