id be glad to
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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