i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
