Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Alive.
So much puke
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
