I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
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So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
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