so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
