He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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