Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
