Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
