I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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