i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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