Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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