My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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