I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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