Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
