So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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