I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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