I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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