someone threw a dead crab at me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
