ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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