Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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