we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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