i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
