Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
