Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
