Pappa wants mamma naked
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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