Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
