Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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