Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize