I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
