Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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