When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
