I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
