Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
