nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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