Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Soap is not a condiment
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
