I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
