lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
