i love accidental penises.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
