did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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