Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize