I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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