so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
