Jerry, you need to find god
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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