just tell him i said nine months
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
