We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
