Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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