Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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