I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
