you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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