I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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