It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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