I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
