are you still at the devil's house?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
