that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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