lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am available for nakedness
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
