how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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