Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
