True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Text me some of your sweat
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
